Recently I’ve been asked the same question by a number of people, both readers and good friends. That is, “How do you know who you are?”.  What they want to know is that in my role as wife and mother, how do I retain such a strong sense of self?  Let me tell you, this hasn’t always been the case.

Just like anyone else, I have had times in my life when I’ve “fallen off the wagon” so to speak.  Times when work took over everything, time when appearances were the last thing on my mind, and time when I thought, “Is this it? Is this as good as it gets?”  But by and large, these moments have been blips on the radar of an otherwise colourful and memorable life.

One such time for me was after the birth of my first daughter. I had a body that no longer belonged just to me, in a shape I didn’t recognise and responsibilities that I hadn’t even contemplated before hand. A demanding schedule with very little sleep and only a small baby for company did nothing to help the situation.  Like so many women before me, I would look through old photo albums barely recognising the woman I was just twelve short months before hand. But it didn’t make me sad, melancholy or wistful; it made me mad. And just like Dylan Thomas said, I could feel a “rage against the dying of the light”.

Of course, my life wasn’t literally over, but as many mothers know deep down there is a little grieving that goes on for the girls we used to be. And frankly, I wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t want to be surrounded by Wiggles music and the life of a homogenised happy baby commercial; I wanted something that was mine, that was ours and that was a unique reflection of the people we are.

Yes, that is all a little deep and raw but it applies to so many situations. Those times a job is lost, when children leave home, when we go through a bad break up; any life situation that we have allowed ourselves to become overly content in and sneakily, it has come to define us. That’s when it is time to take measures into your own hands and rediscover what makes you you. It can be a long slow process, but it is ultimately a joyful one. So take heed my friends and I’ll give you the secrets that help me keep my groove each day.

ART -

Image via Patrick Ng on Flickr

In order to think about who I am I also have to think about who I was. Fortunately I kept my school art folio with pieces dating right back to early primary school.  Each piece contains a memory of a time, of friends, teachers, passions and stolen kisses behind the shed. This is super powerful stuff and a brilliant place to begin your journey.

Whether you draw, paint, doodle or whatever; now is the time to pick up your tools and start to create something for yourself. It never needs to be seen by another person, but the process of creating it, what inspires you and learning to look at the world with different eyes is something you need to retrain yourself to do.  These are the skills that you will use each day when doing the most simple things like choosing an outfit, picking the tea set that makes your happy instead of the one that is just on sale, or finding beauty in the small free moments that each day brings.

MUSIC -

Image via Buttha on Flickr

I still have a little child’s suitcase full of my very first cassette tapes.  The first cassingle I ever bought ( Poison’s ‘Unskinny Bop’!), Mixtapes with love messages from high school boyfriends and even recordings I made myself with a little microphone and a portable tape recorder.  Some of it makes me cringe but I never fail to see the influences of this music on myself. The times I bought albums to impress a boy but really hated the band, and those that I never played for anyone, my heart set to music. The albums I would dance to like my life depended on it ( Jive Bunny & The Mixmasters anyone?), and the albums I have bought many times over that still appear in my collection. Music feeds your soul. Don’t let it starve.

Also, never say never. When asked to define my music tastes I used to say, “Oh everything but XX, I hate X.” Mind you, I had never really given X a good go and neither had I explored it properly. So I took off those blinkers and made a foray into previously forbidden territory only to discover a brand new passion that set my soul on fire. This is how I found New Music Me and she can make even the worst day shine!

FOOD -

Image via Sifu Renka on Flickr

I’m not the greatest cook. In fact I’m downright lazy. But when you have to do it and you have more than yourself to cater for, the things you love often go out the window. You find yourself living on a diet of spaghetti that pleases all and indulging in a block of chocolate afterwards as if that will make up for the neglect your palate has been suffering. Allow yourself to eat something that you really want. Something that may not be loved by all, may not be PC or even cheap. But do it, and do it just for you. If you want to eat a whole dozen natural oysters with caviar, then by golly  you’d better do it! Even if you have to hide in a tub of bubbles, or eat the sitting alone on the front porch, it is just you and your food. Treating yourself like the King of the Castle every now and again with nary a thought for the other occupants whims is key to true decadence and a great way to get in touch with what you really love.

There is so much more I could say on this topic, but this is the place to start.

So I’m offering you my challenge, my life line if you will.  Try these three simple things and tell me what a difference it makes to you. You can come back here and ask me questions or leave me comments to let me know how you get on.

Remember, life is for living – do it with all the passion and verve you can!

Last week I received this email from a reader….

“I found your blog recently and absolutely love your girly inspirations. I’m glad there are sharers in the world, yay the WWW.

As an eighties teenager I was raised with no fashion sense at all, (in some ways that may be a lucky coincidence of fate) so I was wondering if i may ask, is everything in your wardrobe of matching fashion, is it all in your style on these pages? I wonder whether period fashionista’s have two fashion lives or its all the way?” – B

… to which I (of course) began penning a very long and involved reply.  Once I realised it was going to be a short essay I figured it would be something to share with you all, so here is my answer.

If I understand correctly what she is asking  is, is everything I own vintage style or do I have a “normal” wardrobe as well? I can’t answer for all other vintage enthusiasts, only myself.

To answer as best as I can, I am not a vintage purist. What I mean by that is that I will happily mix a 1950’s dress with modern shoes or a 1940’s jacket with a Disney headband (yep, I’ve done that at Fashion week).  I’ve been collecting and wearing vintage for close to twenty two years now, and find that I wear it with varying intensity over different times in my life.  There are indeed times that I wear head to toe vintage, from the hairstyle to the earrings to the shoes; everything is period accurate; but this could be for a variety of reasons.  I understand that there are many enthusiasts out there that participate in “Re-Creation” types of events, which is something  I have yet to experience.  However, outside of specific modelling engagements where I might be hired for this purpose, there is no real rhyme or reason for when I decide to frock up in that manner. It could be just about anything, even a dreaded visit to the supermarket that motivates me to spice it up a little.

Going vintage all the way!

Do I have more than one wardrobe? Yes. But not in the way you might expect. I have (to be honest) about three wardrobes on the go at any one time, and this is to cater to  space limitations.  If I had a dream walk in robe with a place for everything, then I’d only have one.  As it is I have it spilt across three areas in my own room, my guest room and my studio.  I divide it up by things that are currently out of season, things that need repair or alteration and things that are in current rotation. It may sound fabulous but believe me it is a never ending source of angst trying to manage such a cobbled together system. The one thing you will not find…. the old jeans and t-shirt or logoed tracksuit anywhere to be seen.

I don’t have an “on duty / off duty” wardrobe, so everything you see on the blog is the way I dress, all the time.  Yes, sometimes it is more theatrical and intense for specific purposes like show casing that amazing gown from Violetville earlier in the week, but you will also find that most of it is just my day to day look. I don’t fluff about styling fancy photo shoots in things I don’t actually wear, just for the purpose of this blog. Frankly, with two small children to get fed and out of the house on time I just don’t have the time, and when evening comes around I certainly don’t have the energy. 99% of my Daily Outfit photos have to be done in two minutes flat on the front porch.

While I believe that you can add more glamour and magic to your everyday life through what you wear, there are times when I have to make compromises and times when I just don’t have it in me to go the whole nine yards in dolling up. However, my version of dressing down or casual, seems to be a bit different to the generally held standard these days.  The only time you will find me in a dressing gown for the whole day, I must be near death’s door with illness, only appearing from the bedroom to garner more sympathy.

I do own and wear gym clothes (like these), but they will only be seen in the gym or enroute – not picking up the shopping or hanging out for coffee. Now that is not to say that I expect the same from everyone else,  it is just that for me if  I spend a day dressed like this I don’t feel like myself and that doesn’t make me happy.

Makeup free  (if you don’t count lipbalm) going to the gym.

I don’t always wear makeup. There are times and days when it just  isn’t appropriate.  If I know I’ll be spending the entire day out in the garden working hard (ish), then I will usually be seen in my solitary pair of jeans, huge hat, bare faced only with slatherings of sunscreen and lipbalm. Attempting to reapply 40+spf over a full face of makeup whilst also attempting to keep dirt out of your eyes is just ridiculous. Besides which, with a slathering a red lipbalm and huge dark sunnies that is enough glamour for my rose bushes to handle!

I also try to have at least one makeup free day a week. A day to let my skin relax, breath and have a bit of a DIY facial. This is not as relaxing as it sounds however, as it is usually accompanied by screams of feigned terror at the Mama Monster and her masked face. I attempt to salvage my glamour factor in these instances by wearing a fabulous vintage dressing gown, sipping tea  (whilst Tweeting) and imagining myself away.

So B, I hope this is the answer you were looking for, and for everyone else I hope this gives you a better picture of who I am. The short answer is that everything you see on this blog is me. There is no alter ego, no hidden stylist, no pro photographer.  The reason I began writing this blog and the reason  I am so passionate to spend a large chunk of my life on it is to show that should you wish to, it IS POSSIBLE to make your life a little bit more glamorous.

You don’t need to be rich or famous, you don’t need to be artistic or have a team of specialists on hand.

You just need to want it and be courageous!

It seems Princesses are getting a bad rap again. Mia Freedam wrote this piece the other day about why “Princesses Piss Her Off”.  All this talk about “there are no Happily Ever After’s” and “Why doesn’t Cinderella go to Tafe?” – is missing the point entirely. It is about FANTASY!

Too many people spend their lives wallowing in misery, delighting in the misfortunes of others to make themselves feel better or perhaps bitching at fairytales as false advertising.  These are the same people that never seem to look on the bright side, find the silver lining or make the best of it with a smile… like a Princess would do.

Now we are not talking about REAL Princesses here. Not your Diana’s and Mary’s, but your Cinderella’s, Mulan’s and Giselle’s (a personal favorite).  Those often told stories of gowns, fairy godmothers and Princes as well as those that have been animated several times over.  I find it entirely riddiculous that Snow White can be derided for her (animated) diminuative waist and its unrealistic proporations when you consider the context of the story; with Wicked Queens, Poison Apples and Seven small men who mine for carts full of diamonds each day! If we are going to go after Snow White for her dietary restrictions then certainly we must equally expect birds to come and clean our house when we whistle for them.  The argument that our children will grow up with a warped sense of reality or expectation of an immenently arriving Prince, also assume that the same children will live in squalor until the forest folk come in to spritz the place up. Frankly, if you think your children will grow up warped from having these girls as role models then perhaps you should step in and bridge the gap to broaden their education rather than burning poor Ariel at the stake.

So we know I think this “Princesses are the Anti-Christ and leaders of the feminine enslavement movement” are just bollocks. But just why do I love them?

Firstly, because they are stories I can pick and choose which elements I want to take away from them. As a child I grew up reading loads of Agatha Christie, but you won’t find me in the parlor walloping someone with a candle stick on a Saturday night. Here is what I choose to take away for my own indulgent uses:

Cleaning - Cleaning, when done with a song or at least music, is infinetly more plesant. Cleaning in a sweeping skirt and tiara is the bees knees.

Big Skirts - Petticoats, swishy skirts and dresses make you feel a million bucks on the inside and make you smile on the outside – especially when you catch a breeze.

Animals: Having animals as friends makes you happy.

Appearances can be decieving: Just because it looks like a metaphorical shiny red apple, doesn’t mean it is always good for you.

Beauty shines from within: Whether they were a frog or a beast, there was a good hearted Princess who looked past her fear or prejudices and sought to know the goodness of the person inside.

Princesses have manners: Enough said.

Choose what you take from the story to build your own Princess perfect fairytale.

The lead up to Christmas can be such a hectic time that we save up all our relaxing for the day after. Boxing Day in Australia usually means hang overs or early mornings to hit the post Christmas sales. For me, I like to spend those few days between Christmas and New Years taking a few deep breaths and taking stock of what has gone before. What has worked and what hasn’t. It is less about making resolutions for the new year than it is about thinking of the things I would have liked to have had time for and figuring out how to make that happen.

I’m also choosing to extend my Christmas glow this year well into the new year, by having friends and family join me on my return to Melbourne for yet another “Christmas ” party.  That is, a chance to chill out with my puppies and nearest and dearest instead of running around with days full of commitments.  It seems only fitting to enter a new decade with a fresh perspective, a new modus operandi if you will. So many of us feel compelled to start each new year placing more and more expectations on ourselves only to be sadly disappointed with our lack of achievements come the following December. And while I believe that a good plan is the key to success, it isn’t the be all and end all.  So in a some what contradictory fashion, I have come up with a plan to do away with a the pressure of a plan. (Stick with me, it is just the way my brain works).

There are loads of things I want to do this year, but instead of looking at the things I  want to do, I am focusing on how I want them to make me feel.  For instance; my studio is full of materials and good intentions that have not been touched in the last twelve months.  I am itching to get stuck into some good projects and finish many of those that were started several years ago.  Ordinarily, I tend to put myself under pressure to get things done once I start them, often tackling only those projects that can be finished in one day so that I feel ‘complete’.  What the last year has taught me is that working this way means I often spend what should be enjoyable, therapeutic creative time, being crabby and time pressured; snapping at people around me and not enjoying the process. So the upshot of all this is that if I focus on enjoying the process, then no matter how long it takes to finish something it will still be a success and I will still have found the benefit I set out to achieve. Ergo, success through a lack of traditional, externally quantifiable goal posts. (Clearly I am onto my third espresso of the morning here – or I have been watching too much holiday special Frasier).

I’ll be interested to see just how well this works for me being a rather driven, list making, type A personality. But whatever happens, you know you’re along for the ride!

*I’m still in Sydney, eating too much, sleeping little and finding excuses to dress up. I’ll have lots of pretty pictures on my return home to my super speedy internet connection.*

A Christmas Dance - by Norman Rockwell

Let’s be honest. None of us need more crap. We spend so much time looking at pretty things on the internet thinking, “Oh that is so shiny / lovely/ fancy etc..”, but really, when it comes down to it how likely is it that we’d buy it all even if we had all the money in the world and where would we put it? Which brings me to my point.

For Christmas this year I don’t really want anything. Well, I certainly don’t want for anything, and there is very little on the list of things I covet that friends and family would actually know enough about me to find as gifts. I certainly don’t want boxes of bath salts and more serving platters. I don’t want novelty aprons or more things I have to dust.

Here is what I would like.

People with less attitude.

Around this time of year, many media columnists think we will be entertained by their rantings of how awful Christmas is. How the drunk uncle always sets the cat on fire and how crap it is to have to sit there with people you barely know wearing a paper hat from a cracker that leaks dye down your forehead on a sweaty Australian Christmas.  Clearly, I am already familiar with these scenarios, but reliving them over and over again through the eyes of a jaded columnist does nothing to make me feel better about the situation.

Instead I would like to read (for a change), a family who doesn’t give a damn that their turkey was overcooked because they got to spend one last precious Christmas with 92 year old Nana. How the children sat in wonder listening to tales of her childhood that gave them a sense of just how lucky they are, before singing a Carol or two and popping off to bed.

I’d like to hear about how whole streets got together to pool all their Christmas cash to donate to a shelter instead of buying each other more of those bath salts again.

I’m no Pollyanna, but I do know one thing; reading about how crap things are all the time makes you feel just that – crap. And that is not the Christmas I choose to have.

People that don’t act their age

Sometimes acting your age is critical. Obviously we don’t want our Doctor’s skipping into the office and playing jacks while we wait. What I mean by not ‘acting your age’, is to rediscover joy in the simple things that kids love and BE OKAY about it. Do you really want a fancy new cyclonic vacuum for Christmas or do you actually want the Collector’s Edition Holiday Barbie? How about that beautiful but understated black cocktail dress, lovely for sure, but will it be as fun at 4am as tulle petticoats and a bracelet made of Christmas Bells?

Singing in Public

If only life were a musical.. perhaps we’d go mad.. but perhaps, just once a year at Christmas time, we could get past that and initiate some spontaneous singing and dancing. A co-ordinated number with dancing trolleys at the supermarket, a visit to the Hairdresser that actually involves a Barbershop Quartet. Sure, it may seem mad, but if only once a year we could get past that social stigma of insanity, I’d bet we’d have a much happier day.

Time

We all wish for more time, so if it is so precious too us why do we not consider giving some of it away as a gift? Occasionally you will see this practice being utilized by children or by those seriously strapped for cash, often in the form of little I.O.U’s; but how many of us that can afford to just go and buy gifts ever consider giving away our time instead? I’m not talking about the obvious things like volunteering to feed the homeless, but about giving time to those nearest and dearest.  Perhaps you have a skill that someone in your family has always wanted to learn. You may make a mean scone or even the perfect cappuccino (all creme not bubbles).  instead of putting that latest blockbuster novel under their tree, offer to teach them the skill they so highly regard. Set aside an afternoon, a day, whatever it takes, and go one on one to give a gift that money can’t buy and that is – to us- so priceless.

Yes, that’s what I’d like.

Happy people that don’t give me a pain in the ear and teach me how to tango.