There’s a point when things are just taking it too far. When my mailman delivered the latest junk mail, with it came the usual slew of gift suggestions from your local retailer. Same old same old mostly; socks, candy, tinsel, suspect looking Rudolf… but then over the page I saw the add for this brand new Barbie doll…

Can you see what my problem was; what induced such horror? (aside from the fiendishly bad eye makeup and tack-o-rama jacket she’s wearing)

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Barbie is a REAL working video camera! Way to give your child the gift of invasion of privacy for Christmas! Okay, I’m more than a little outraged that the manufacturers think that this sort of thing is a great idea for a young child’s toy. It’s bad enough that most 13 year old girls have camera phones with which to tape and bully each other with inappropriate footage on Facebook with, but this? This is akin to giving your child access to their very own Nanny cam for their own purposes.

When I was a child, my little brother learnt how to build radio bugs from a matchbox and bits of electronics, so that he could tape the conversations of my friends and I at sleep overs.  This was a whole new kind of little brother hell to me that caused him a few punches in the nose.  But imagine putting Barbie into the hands of a wily ten year old boy with something to prove? I’m imagining some school yard lunch time hell moments for their poor sisters.  And what about the parents? Should I have to spend my evening hunting out surreptitiously placed Barbie dolls before I kick back with that evenings episode of CSI not fit for a seven year olds consumption?

I generally consider myself a fairly liberal individual, and I’m nothing if not an early adopter of technology; but I ask you, isn’t giving your child a video camera masquerading as a Barbie doll taking things a step to far??

It seems Princesses are getting a bad rap again. Mia Freedam wrote this piece the other day about why “Princesses Piss Her Off”.  All this talk about “there are no Happily Ever After’s” and “Why doesn’t Cinderella go to Tafe?” – is missing the point entirely. It is about FANTASY!

Too many people spend their lives wallowing in misery, delighting in the misfortunes of others to make themselves feel better or perhaps bitching at fairytales as false advertising.  These are the same people that never seem to look on the bright side, find the silver lining or make the best of it with a smile… like a Princess would do.

Now we are not talking about REAL Princesses here. Not your Diana’s and Mary’s, but your Cinderella’s, Mulan’s and Giselle’s (a personal favorite).  Those often told stories of gowns, fairy godmothers and Princes as well as those that have been animated several times over.  I find it entirely riddiculous that Snow White can be derided for her (animated) diminuative waist and its unrealistic proporations when you consider the context of the story; with Wicked Queens, Poison Apples and Seven small men who mine for carts full of diamonds each day! If we are going to go after Snow White for her dietary restrictions then certainly we must equally expect birds to come and clean our house when we whistle for them.  The argument that our children will grow up with a warped sense of reality or expectation of an immenently arriving Prince, also assume that the same children will live in squalor until the forest folk come in to spritz the place up. Frankly, if you think your children will grow up warped from having these girls as role models then perhaps you should step in and bridge the gap to broaden their education rather than burning poor Ariel at the stake.

So we know I think this “Princesses are the Anti-Christ and leaders of the feminine enslavement movement” are just bollocks. But just why do I love them?

Firstly, because they are stories I can pick and choose which elements I want to take away from them. As a child I grew up reading loads of Agatha Christie, but you won’t find me in the parlor walloping someone with a candle stick on a Saturday night. Here is what I choose to take away for my own indulgent uses:

Cleaning - Cleaning, when done with a song or at least music, is infinetly more plesant. Cleaning in a sweeping skirt and tiara is the bees knees.

Big Skirts - Petticoats, swishy skirts and dresses make you feel a million bucks on the inside and make you smile on the outside – especially when you catch a breeze.

Animals: Having animals as friends makes you happy.

Appearances can be decieving: Just because it looks like a metaphorical shiny red apple, doesn’t mean it is always good for you.

Beauty shines from within: Whether they were a frog or a beast, there was a good hearted Princess who looked past her fear or prejudices and sought to know the goodness of the person inside.

Princesses have manners: Enough said.

Choose what you take from the story to build your own Princess perfect fairytale.

Stocktakes sales are a crock. Not only are many of the claims misleading, but much of the merchandise is shipped in expressly for the purpose of clearances.  Unlike the stocktake sales I remember from my childhood, the sales today are a continuous round of promotions and are often no better than a retail wolf in sheep’s (poorly made) clothing. But once you’ve realised that this is the case, how do sort out the good clothes from the rest of the bad and the ugly?

Know the real value.

Before the sales how much was the piece you want listed for? Chances are that it was overpriced to start with, but the first port of call is to establish if there is actually a real discounted price from the original retail price.

Was it worth the original retail price in the first place? Looking at 90% of the garments in the stores today, I can only shake my head at what is being offered to us.  Unfinished seams, pulled threads, missing buttons, second rate textiles; to say nothing of the cheap labour used to produce them.  But environmental and human ethics arguments aside, when did such poor quality become the norm and the supposed acceptable standard?

So to find out what you are paying for, take the time to do a little investigation.  Turn your garments inside out and read the construction and care labels. (By law, all garments sold in Australia must have these)

Consider the fabric used – is it man made, synthetic, natural – how much of each type makes up the final product? Something that is 100% wool is infinitely better than a %10 wool 90% acrylic blend, that is unless you like sweaters that get stinky and pill up.

If you think I’m gong to pay $100 for an acrylic sweater in the sales just because you have a popular label, you have another thing coming! Well made Australian Wool at that price is a bargain, synthetics from China are not.

Read the care labels CAREFULLY. Does it warn of bleeding dyes, colour fading; is it a high use item that is designated for Dry Clean Only (so that in the end it will be no bargain at all?)

Check the seams. Deconstructed fashion is one thing, but having seams that haven’t even been tied off is quite another. Check for loose threads, seams that haven’t been caught in, missing buttons (does it come with a spare?)

Check the fabric for condition. I’ve been caught out a few times in my haste and discovered upon wearing that my new jersey top actually has a small hole in it that becomes a huge run the minute I put it on.  Have previous shoppers stained it, snagged it or even returned it worn? ( Yep, I’ve seen sweat stained garments in stores).

Check the fabric for flaws. Changing rooms aren’t just good for checking out how we look in the clothes, but also the condition and quality of the clothes themselves.  Hold your garment up to the light and inspect it for holes and irregularities in the fabric weave.  One of the worst culprits for this at present are T-Shirts.  The fabric appears to be getting thinner and thinner with less and less fabric memory or spring back. It might look okay at a cursory glance, but when you get out in the sun everyone will know if your belly button is an inny or an outy!

Consider it’s “fashionability”. Is the item discounted because it is “so last season”? (which of course really means a few seasons ago if you go by catwalk trend time).  This is one factor that can be a blessing in disguise.  Your ideal teal blue top may no longer be the colour de jour, but it may be your favorite and make your eyes irresistible to handsome men.  If so, then it is very likely that you will be able to find a real bargain as the demand for your top is on the wane.  Just make sure to hunt out the best quality version at the lower price.

Know what you want. Sales are not the time for window shopping or browsing unless you enjoy the sharp stabbing pain of buyers remorse. Evaluate the gaps in your wardrobe and go out shopping with the keen eye of a game hunter.This is not the time to be emotional, but to be ruthless. You never know what is around the corner so if you blow your last $100 on five poorly made tops, you just may miss out on the perfect single one at the same price.

Patience. The best bargains are not available at the beginning of the sales.  Prices continue to drop and the crowds get smaller.  For me, I can attest to finding the best and most enduring bargains at the end of the sales.  This relies on a few things however; you need to be able to pick quality (which you should by now), you need to have a body or feet that do not fit the average medium of the population. For example if you are a size 8 or a size 16, you are likely to find good pieces in your size at the end of the sales at better prices.  Lastly, it helps to be stylish rather than fashionable.  If you want what is ‘in fashion’ then it stands to reason that so does everyone else. But if you are seeking classics, avante garde or just plain like to get creative, then you’ll find these pieces still standing at the end part of the sales.

So now I have given you my secrets to shopping the sales with success- go forth and save… or not and just make your own!

A Christmas Dance - by Norman Rockwell

Let’s be honest. None of us need more crap. We spend so much time looking at pretty things on the internet thinking, “Oh that is so shiny / lovely/ fancy etc..”, but really, when it comes down to it how likely is it that we’d buy it all even if we had all the money in the world and where would we put it? Which brings me to my point.

For Christmas this year I don’t really want anything. Well, I certainly don’t want for anything, and there is very little on the list of things I covet that friends and family would actually know enough about me to find as gifts. I certainly don’t want boxes of bath salts and more serving platters. I don’t want novelty aprons or more things I have to dust.

Here is what I would like.

People with less attitude.

Around this time of year, many media columnists think we will be entertained by their rantings of how awful Christmas is. How the drunk uncle always sets the cat on fire and how crap it is to have to sit there with people you barely know wearing a paper hat from a cracker that leaks dye down your forehead on a sweaty Australian Christmas.  Clearly, I am already familiar with these scenarios, but reliving them over and over again through the eyes of a jaded columnist does nothing to make me feel better about the situation.

Instead I would like to read (for a change), a family who doesn’t give a damn that their turkey was overcooked because they got to spend one last precious Christmas with 92 year old Nana. How the children sat in wonder listening to tales of her childhood that gave them a sense of just how lucky they are, before singing a Carol or two and popping off to bed.

I’d like to hear about how whole streets got together to pool all their Christmas cash to donate to a shelter instead of buying each other more of those bath salts again.

I’m no Pollyanna, but I do know one thing; reading about how crap things are all the time makes you feel just that – crap. And that is not the Christmas I choose to have.

People that don’t act their age

Sometimes acting your age is critical. Obviously we don’t want our Doctor’s skipping into the office and playing jacks while we wait. What I mean by not ‘acting your age’, is to rediscover joy in the simple things that kids love and BE OKAY about it. Do you really want a fancy new cyclonic vacuum for Christmas or do you actually want the Collector’s Edition Holiday Barbie? How about that beautiful but understated black cocktail dress, lovely for sure, but will it be as fun at 4am as tulle petticoats and a bracelet made of Christmas Bells?

Singing in Public

If only life were a musical.. perhaps we’d go mad.. but perhaps, just once a year at Christmas time, we could get past that and initiate some spontaneous singing and dancing. A co-ordinated number with dancing trolleys at the supermarket, a visit to the Hairdresser that actually involves a Barbershop Quartet. Sure, it may seem mad, but if only once a year we could get past that social stigma of insanity, I’d bet we’d have a much happier day.

Time

We all wish for more time, so if it is so precious too us why do we not consider giving some of it away as a gift? Occasionally you will see this practice being utilized by children or by those seriously strapped for cash, often in the form of little I.O.U’s; but how many of us that can afford to just go and buy gifts ever consider giving away our time instead? I’m not talking about the obvious things like volunteering to feed the homeless, but about giving time to those nearest and dearest.  Perhaps you have a skill that someone in your family has always wanted to learn. You may make a mean scone or even the perfect cappuccino (all creme not bubbles).  instead of putting that latest blockbuster novel under their tree, offer to teach them the skill they so highly regard. Set aside an afternoon, a day, whatever it takes, and go one on one to give a gift that money can’t buy and that is – to us- so priceless.

Yes, that’s what I’d like.

Happy people that don’t give me a pain in the ear and teach me how to tango.

Look what arrived for me yesterday courtesy of Kodak! It is no bigger than my iPhone and means the end of poor audio on my vlogs, as well as loads more new tutorials in the works. Hooray – I hear you shout.  I have loads of new treats in the works, but am a little behind this week, so I know it is only teasing, but this is a very brief  “Things to Come” post.

And while on the topic of making things, I’m continuing on my experiments with Japanese nail art, (you’ll remember my obsession began long ago here).  I had a great set a few months back, and thanks to encouragement from my friend Violet and the amazing set she made me for the Nuffnang Awards, I’ve been trying my hand at my own.

The work currently in progress.

While on the subject of all things cute, cuddly,and sparkly; let me say that while I certainly claim no sense of ownership over these pastimes, there is a certain blogger  who has been taking far too much inspiration from my play book of late and claiming a sense of divine inspiration.

My words and ideas are my own. They are not free to hijack.

This is not okay.