October is Breast Cancer awareness month, and in support of the cause I want to share with you the very personal story of my friend Christine. Christine and her sisters grew up with the knowledge that most of the women in their family had suffered from breast cancer. They’ve now turned their story into both a moving documentary and book, written by Christine’s sister, Veronica Neave.  In support of Breast Cancer awareness, I’m offering all my readers the opportunity to purchase the book, with all the funds raised going straight back into breast cancer research, awareness and support. I urge you to take some time out for this one, it is a very personal, raw and inspirational journey. *Please be aware that this story contains confronting personal images, before scrolling down.*

You’ve recently created a documentary, along with your family, about your personal journey. Can you give us a brief synopsis of your story:

My Great Grandmother (Maud) & Grandmother (Elsie) both died a Breast Cancer having contracted the disease before the age of 50.  My Aunt & Mother (the only 2 sisters in that family) both got breast cancer, again, prior to 50 (Pre-menopausal).  Both having mastectomies and undergoing the normal radiation & chemo therapy for breast cancer, my mother again got breast cancer where the previously infected breast used to be, anyway My sister Ronnie with my Mum had been on a Breast Cancer Research program for about 10 years and it was about 3 years ago that they discovered the BRCAII gene in my mother which then set off a domino effect of testing on all her offspring.  It took many months to undergo the genetics counseling and testing but the end result was that all of us tested positive for the BRCAII gene which escalated our general population risk from 6-11% to be 85-90% risk rate of getting this dreaded heirloom.   Nothing had hit us at this point as it was all statistics and science..

As I was the eldest, my journey started first.  We sisters had long lived with the knowledge that there was a strong pattern that had formed with the females of our clan so it was always in the back of our minds, but it wasn’t until the facts & new scientific knowledge was presented to us on a silver platter that we confronted the real possibilities of what laid ahead of us.  I had been on the yearly cycle of ultrasounds, mammograms anyway but then I had to quickly ramp that up to include Breast Cancer & Endocrine Specialists as well as moving to 3 monthly checks… It was very costly and was increasing my anxiety over the whole issue.  My Surgeon (who I incidentally fell in love with – as you do with your life savior), put it straight to me… your not getting any younger and fast approaching “that time”  (what time was this I wondered!!) – it was PMT (Pre-menopausal time = danger time = opening the doors to welcome the heirloom that had been waiting for enter & infect my body time!!..What?  I’m too young (at just 41 at that time) BUT I did believe that to prevent yourself from ever getting that first cancer gave you even better odds as experience shows me that once you’ve had it, you are more prone to 2^nd primaries or even secondary’s and this wasn’t a risk I wanted to take.So I heeded Dr D’s advice and set a date   This was backed up by one of my closest friends who lived in Perth (only a couple of years older than me) calling me about 1 week later, to tell me she had Breast Cancer!!  I was floored… I flew over the next day and went through her operation with her and this cemented my decision to remove my healthy breasts post haste…She was BRCAII positive as well!!  I feel I am the lucky one…..

How did this knowledge impact you in defining yourself as a woman?

– The knowledge of the BRCAII diagnosis did not impact on me as a woman but rather a journey of these questions and definitions of me only started post op.. About a week after surgery I started crying and I did not stop for 2 whole weeks…  I cried for me as the woman I used to be, I cried out of guilt for all those women that did not have the choice and I did, I cried because I did not have cancer and felt like I did not deserve to feel this way,  I cried because I was mad at myself for not being strong enough to cope with the pain, I cried for all those women who could not afford to pay for this preventative surgery, knowing what they know and not being able to do anything about it…I cried for my missing breasts which had fed my child, made me feel sexy, gave me so much pleasure (I loved my breasts)!! And I cried because all my vintage clothes hung off me..  I looked hideous but then I cried because I was being stupid about feeling like that!!  You go through a massive grieving process; some do it with tears, some with anger… My sister did not cry but she had her cranky pants on for a couple of weeks and kept saying “I’ve missed the grieving process I’m fine,” but she was kidding herself!  Every one deals with grief/pain differently, but at the end of the day, its all the same process that we need to go through in order to overcome.  Today I AM a strong, confident, happy and blessed women who knows who she is and I still feel sexy!!

Can you explain the relationship a healthy mind and attitude plays in making us stronger?

– This is paramount, but sometimes overused or used in the wrong context.  Through talking to and asking many people their thoughts on the issue I found it quite amazing how some people actually thought (flippantly) I could overcome anything with the power of the mind. Don’t get me wrong I DO believe a healthy mind and positive attitude makes us strong, it helps us heal and alleviates most little things in life but there are some things that a healthy mind and positive attitude does not stop. BUT it is how we use that positive attitude that lift us up and get us through whatever it is we are faced with.

So often we are driven by competition and keeping up with others when it comes to defining our priorities. What motivates you and how do you feel your story has shaped that?

– My priorities changed when we started on this journey. My life before was all about competition, getting ahead, getting what I want, keeping up appearances (Huge)  and having more more more etc etc… Through this I have found more compassion that I ever thought I could possibly have for others, less need for all those things unnecessary, am able to let go of the unimportant things more easily, I try harder to think before I speak, I spend more time with myself and those I love and appreciate them and life more…  I make an effort each and every day to be nicer, control moods and try not to be selfish, greedy or have the “Oh woe is me” thing take over. I listen, I empathize try to understand others more. Going through this is a bit like being a very successful career person, having the best of everything at your feet with Louis Vitton & Moet Chandon as your companions (been there); to childbirth and poops & vomits and no time to shower or no money to spend (been there too).  The smile on that babies face when it looks at you makes all the rest pale to insignificance… I felt the same way.….

My motivation is my family and the fact that I now believe I have something to offer/give/share to help others.  This is why we did the documentary and book which were highly invasive and raw and confronting and personal; but I kept thinking how upset I was when almost no-one knew of this BRCAII. When I started,  I was almost a test dummy, there were no visual aids to answer those millions of questions you have, no personal journey story to relate to to make you feel like its all going to be OK at the end. They had endless amounts of stuff for cancer survivors but not for cancer “previvors”, which is what we are labeled as now.  I wanted other women who were going to be faced with this (and there are many) to have some idea of what their in for and to see its all OK on the other side..

There is much contention and argument surrounding us as women and the priority we place on looks.  What is your understanding of the role that image plays in defining a sense of self?

– Simple; value yourself and feel worthy enough to be beautiful inside and out.  A great quote I read once “Before she allows the world to judge her face, a woman is entitled to create it! – That goes for the whole package in my eyes.  We can’t avoid the judgments, stares & comments from others but we can stand tall with confidence if our intention for attention is not one of borne out of competition, malice or arrogance; but rather to feel good about oneself, then what’s the problem? We have a right to embrace ourselves and if wearing red lipstick defines me out in the image world, then who has the right to judge that. It’s personal choice.  If you haven’t got anything good to say about someone then don’t say anything. If I see an amazingly beautiful women dressed to the nines then I compliment her, I also note her appearance and take tips to better my own!  We all should take more pride in ourselves as we do our homes, our cars our gardens and everything else material. These days, we “pimp” almost everything, even our phones have bling, why not ourselves! As flowers brighten the world, so do women.

It can be a simple yet eternal struggle to get up and get fancy every day. Where does time spent on yourself fit into your daily priorities? – One thing I have learned through doing the Lindy Charm School for Girls is to refine my most comfortable, yet individual, look and get it down pat in 10 minutes flat given I’ve always had to juggle (like almost all women)  either single parenthood with the usual morning activities, careers, relationships, housework. Then later in a marriage and blended family, with even more kids,  I always found that at the very least with some lippy and a flower in the hair, it would always brighten even the most trying of days. It is essential to me.

Where do you find inspiration each day?

– My belief in God, my Family, from every woman that went before me to pave the way for me being the women I am today.  From all the women I meet today that are doing amazing things that I can learn from.

“Pieces of me Genetically flawed – surviving the breast cancer I may never have” is the book written by Christine’s sister Veronica Neave. You can purchase this book here or from the link in the side bar. Until Christmas, $10 from the purchase price of $24.99 AUD, will be donated straight back into  the Breast Cancer research and awareness fund. All you need to do is enter the code “MAMA” upon checkout to ensure that your donation is allocated. They are happy to ship internationally, so all of you have an opportunity to experience this amazing story and make a difference.