After my post last week about why I dress the way I do, even as a SAHM, I have been inundated with comments, emails, tweets etc, all asking me to expand on my thoughts and to answer so many questions you all have around this topic. One of the key issues that came out of those emails was this questions – Why do women / mothers let themselves go? To which I believe there are different answers for Mothers vs. Women in general although they do share similar territory. So here goes with my opinion on the subject…
Firstly, what is “letting yourself go”? In the most truest sense of the term, I believe that it is letting go of the essence that makes you YOU and then allowing that to translate into what we put on everyday. The hair that hasn’t been cut in months, the ill-fitting outfits, the various shades of black and grey ad nuaseum. Letting yourself go outworks itself in different ways for each of us, but the common factor is the lack of sparkle, the lack of joy and the, frankly not giving a toss anymore.
It is a usually a slow process, creeping up on us like that poor frog in the pot of warm water. It begins the first time we think, “Oh, well, it’s just the post office, I don’t have to get fancy for that,” then schlepping down makeup free and unbrushed hair. And slowly, this slide becomes the norm until the only time we “dress up” is for work, big dates and perhaps the odd special occasion. But the question is WHY do we do this?
Because it is HARD not to. The construct of our modern society is such that the parameters of what is acceptable dress and behaviour have slipped so markedly that no one raises an eyebrow if you head out for milk in your pyjamas. Fifty years ago such behaviour would have been looked upon as one step away from being hauled off to a rest home for a spot of recovery and a hand full of pills. Yes, what this amounts to in its simplest form is really peer pressure, Keeping Up With the Joneses, and not rocking the boat. And when the Joneses are heading off to pick the kids up from school in their trackies, it is no wonder that so many don’t think twice about doing the same. Society’s dress code slippery slope is another big issue, but we’ll only graze the surface for the purposes of this post. So, suffice to say that if your neighbour has also let themselves go, there is safety in numbers and you don’t feel that sense of shame as you did on that first trip to the post office. Multiply this factor times fifty and you start to see this dress code as the norm, rather than for what it is.
Because we WANT TO HIDE. When all around you are wearing green jumpers and you are the only woman in red, you attract attention and it is often attention you don’t want. Thus we chose not to challenge the commonly accepted dress code as it will mark us out from the crowd. We choose to hide as we often feel we have nothing of real value to add, that somehow should we become visible, that everyone will see our flaws, our guilt. That by being visible we are putting ourselves up for judgment by the masses. And so, to avoid any potential embarrassment, we cloak ourselves in the uniform of the day and go about our business unnoticed.
- Image from The New Black Conspiracy
Because it takes EMOTIONAL ENERGY and we have none left to give. Everyone in our lives wants something from us. You must be Mother, teacher, wife, friend, model employee etc etc.. And every role takes something from us each time we give it out. Constantly we hear the mantra from lifestyle mags and well meaning best friends, that we must “do something for ourselves”. And while this is 100% correct, the problem is that when we do, it is seen as a special occasion. Take for instance those pampering packages. Go on, treat your mother. Poor old thing hasn’t had a massage in a year. Why not? Because she was too bloody busy making sure your clothes were washed and your costume was made for the school play! We should not act like slaves to our lives, with ourselves bottom of the To Do list. Because when you get to the bottom of the list, there IS nothing left.
Because YOU’RE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND DAMNED IF YOU DON’T. And that is a hard battle to fight. Letting yourself go may be something we seek to improve ourselves from, but it is also the path of least resistance. When you get those highlights and start taking yoga, your friends pat your on the back. “You go girl.” “About time you had some me time.” But start scheduling a weekly massage, always wearing your best dress and putting on your favorite lipstick before even getting the kids out of bed, and watch them change their tune. ” Hmmm, those poor kids. Their mother must spend so much time in front of the mirror she never looks at them.” ” Who does she think she is?” And this little gem, ” Oh no, better not invite Mrs X. to the drinks night, or my husband will start wondering why I don’t dress like that.”
Because we JUST DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START. Life can take over so far that we no longer recognise ourselves. We do not know what music we like, we have trouble filling in a profile page on Facebook, and our topics of conversation always turn to the minutia of our lives, as that is all we are consumed by. The girls we were, those we spent hours indulging with gossip sessions, beauty experiments and glee clubs are gone; and yet we never really spend anything like this time exploring the women we are to become. It just happens. We wake up one day to a bathroom cabinet filled with eye creme instead of cherry gloss and the other shoe drops. We are not some fabulous new specimen of women handed a glittering crown and a sash as we enter the best years of our lives. We are little girls in women’s bodies who have lost the road maps to our passions – and it sucks.
And this my friends, is why so many women just give up and let themselves go. Because it is all just too bloody hard. And upon reading this sad state of affairs, you pity these poor creatures in whom you may recognise a little or a lot of yourself. It isn’t glorious to spend your days in tracksuits, and you cannot convince me that a facial once a month is enough to feed your soul.
“Do not go gentle into that good night..” Dylan Thomas
*If all this reading isn’t too much, and you ‘d like to see a space for my thoughts on being, let me know!*
It’s just perfect. Dark, spiced and a...
Love this post – very thoughtful, a lot of truths.
Hear, hear!
*clapping* fantastic post SKM you hit the nail on the head with those reasons.
I found myself thinking about my mother she ticks most of those box’s and now thinks that it is too hard to inject a little Glam into her life.
The sad fact of the matter is once you slide down that slope you tend to look up and see the climb back as insurmountable.
But since she’s started her exercise program she has started to get interested again. The trouble is she wants to glam up “once I’ve lost the weight” and can’t seem to shake that mindset.
I’ve promised to help her source some chic 1940′s style dresses (she’s not worn a dress in 20 years) and skirt suits when she is happy with her size. The woman used to win Beauty Pageants in her younger years and now she won’t wear a scrap of make-up !
I’m also going to check my own habits and amp up the day to day glam – thanks for the nudge!
I don’t even know if I should/have the right to comment, since I’m 15 and not yet a ‘woman’. But I just want to say that’s really quite insightful.
I always say to my mum “go, have some fun, go get a facial, go to the yoga class, go to the gym!” and until most of the time she’d reply “I’m married, it’s different, I don’t have the energy, I have you, I have to work, I have to cook!”
A few nights ago, she finally decided to go pack her gym bag, go to yoga class, got a hair cut and tonight she’s attending her first work gala/function/charity event. I’m so proud of her! Not that I wasn’t proud of her before, she is a great mum, we have a great relationship, she’s a snazzy dresser, we’re like sister (and we just mistaken for sisters), and we turn heads at parent teacher interviews. But it’s good to see she’s not and not going to “let herself go”
Sorry about the rant ehhe
XXASAB
ASAB: Not at all, you always have the right to chime in! And it is a wonderful thing that you can see your mother for the woman she is rather than just “Mum”.
Lol. If you love it, please Tweet it – the more the better on this discussion.
Bec: ahh, the old “life on hold till I lose weight, get a new house, find a job..” routine. That’s a cracker and one I often find myself falling into. This is our life RIGHT NOW! And if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, do I want my best self to have gone unseen because I wasn’t the weight I wanted to be? Hell No! Time for a revolution of self I say.
Andrea & Alicia: Thank you. I’m so pleased that there is room for discussions like this on a ‘fashion’ blog that could otherwise be seen as a shallow waste of time.
Many sage points, SKM. Really good post. (I fight the good fight most days. Today, I couldn’t be bothered to wash my hair. I couldn’t stop thinking about how gross it was all day!)
VERY good post. Like ASAB, I immediately thought of my mother. She always had good, classic style, but never really put it to good use, unless it was helping me.
Then just after Christmas 2007 she decided to make a change. She gradually quit smoking, starting going out for walks that turned into runs, did yoga everyday, stopped spending so much time on the house, and more time on herself. When I went home to visit, I am not ashamed to say that her 40-something behind kicked my little 21 year old behind. She was fabulous! And at the height of her glamouress-ness, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and passed away three months later. All I can say is that I am SO happy that everyone got to see her inside on her outside. She has inspired me.
Well I’m in the Mum category, part work-at-home, part work-at-work (and best of both worlds). When I leave the house on home days I always put on carefully chose but casual clothes, and eyeliner and eyebrow pencil. On work days, I always wear carefully chosen business clothes and full makeup. At home, I wear black yoga pants and black shirts.
But this isn’t letting myself go, this is me ^_^ I have been wearing the same sorts of things before and after MissIcy.
I still get my hair cut and coloured regularly (though at a local salon, not my nice one in the city) and I still buy myself nice clothes and shoes. I’ve never had regular facials, but thanks for the suggestion… ^_^
Great Post!! I really enjoyed it, I liked how you touched on the fact that we feel the need to hide because we have no value to add, when in truth we all have so much value to add!! If women would only just realize how much we’re worth I think we’d all see a major shift in how we present ourselves.
You described me to a tee, on every one of your points. Plus the extra money that we might have for things for me, I put towards the kids. I’m not happy like this AT ALL, but it just seems that that is where life is and I’m stuck. Add to that the extra weight I’ve not been able to shake and feeling so yucky about myself when I *do* look for clothes… and yeah the hair… I had my husband cut it for me a couple of days ago and now I feel like I have a mullet! Not a good feeling (though he doesn’t see it as such and of course I’m not going to critize it when he was so sweet to try and help me out!)…
So yes, I’m stuck in a major pity party and I am having a very hard time seeing my way out! Here’s the ironic thing: I am a skin care/cosmetics consultant and can’t bring myself to talk to anyone because of the way I look! I’m not projecting the confidence you know?
This was a really excellent post and so so true. Thanks for writing it.
It’s rare that a blog post will make me cry.
But I cry only because that is me. I have let myself go since getting married. I’ve stopped paying attention to myself, hiding, and generally becoming greige. Why? Because I am everyone elses body, and not my own. Because I have an almost 3yo boy who has severe allergy/intolerance related eczema that takes up at least 50% of my energy (many sleepless nights, but it is slowly improving).
Recently (last couple of weeks) I have started taking steps against this, though.
Your post just confirms how important it is, though, for my own sanity, that I spend more time on me, and remember WHY I like to glam up as par for course, rather than for special events only.
Great post. That’s all.
Of course great post and oh dear if I didn’t see myself described to a T. Every day is an effort and somedays are harder than others. Thank God for Super Kawaii Mama who inspires all who read her blog. Seeing you dressed up yesterday in Australia (or is it tomorrow) first thing every morning helps me to make an effort to put on something nice and some make up. And brush my hair. Thank you.
Hi SKM, This post struck a chord with me.
Ive been battling these issues for a few months now.
I feel like I have lost myself somewhere between all the night feeds, the changing nappies, trying to calm a crying baby, to cooking up baby mush,and dealing with toddler meltdowns.
I felt like a machine – get up and make everyone breakfast, clean, shower, clean again, take the kids to various activities, cook dinner, clean up yet again, baths and bedtimes.
Then by the end of it, I was truly exhausted.
Im not the person I used to be.
But Im slowly getting myself back to being fabulous.
One of the places Ive drawn inspiration from is your blog.
When I opened it today and read the title of this entry, I smiled and as I read through I was nodding to every point.
You have got it right on the mark!
Well done on a great post.
Meaghan.
xoxox
SKM:
Wonderful post full of well thought out points. I, however, feel you missed two points, for they are my two.
I have let myself go. For the first reason, was after baby 4, I slipped (unwittingly) into a year long case of post-partum depression. Nothing severe, but just down all the time. Weepy for no good reason. Keep the drapes drawn and spend all day staring at the TV type of stuff. This didn’t encourage glamour one bit, I must say. Secondly, financial. We are fighting a big battle there right now with one salary and 4 kids. It is HARD. I have had to cut back on everything. That doesn’t leave room for clothes, make-up, massages, facials, or much else but bills and groceries. What extra money there is goes for kids clothes, school supplies, and upcoming birthdays and Santa’s impending visit in a few months.
There is a bright side to this. Thanks to a comment you made here, I began to read 50sgal’s blog. Between her blog and yours, I have really been motivated to step up and take charge of things around here. I am working to keep my house neater, marshall my kids into helping and keeping their rooms semi-neat, I got my hair professionally cut for the first time in 2 years, and have been setting my hair and wearing make-up most days. I am also trying to lose some weight. I made an agreements with my hubby that when we receive our tax refund in March (or so) we will each take $1000 US, and spend on ourselves. He loves tools, and I am already eyeing some retro clothing I am lusting for.
So thanks, SKM, for your inspiration. I want more than anything to be a good example for my daughter, and reading your blog and 50sgal keeps my determined to strive for that.
Lorie
Nokneeslooney
Absolutely spot on post! Please do continue with these types of entries as well! I agree pretty much 100% with you, though of course you put it much more elegantly than I could.
It unfortunately made me remember a few times when I’ve (only once or twice, i swear!) fallen prey to wearing sweatpants in public… gasp!
All I can say is Hallelujah!! I’m so glad someone finally put it out there.
I have really let myself shift into slob mode since getting laid off. Some days I don’t even bother to change out of my pajamas. I haven’t reached the point where I leave the house yet, but I’m terrified that will be my next step. ;D
I have friends and a sister that are SAHMs and they all laugh about times when they’ve dropped their kids at school wearing their pajamas. These are all women who used to work in corporate environments and cared about their appearance. Now it’s like they’ve given up.
There are thousands of reasons for “letting yourself go” and only one reason to treat yourself as well as you would treat your loved ones “because you’re worth it” (as L’Oreal ads proclaim)
Thank you so much for posting this.
It’s like your post was about meeeee! lol
I’m 27, mother of 3, tired, overweight, haven’t worn make up in aaaages, brush my hair in the car (when I can), can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve had a facial or massage, and the list can go on…
Anyway, YES! I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on life, the universe and everything.
Your blog truly is inspirational.
Great post. I have the opposite problem – I am that mother that the other mothers talk about because I bother to put on something other than a tracksuit to drop my son off at school (except for the mornings when I am going running after I drop him off – but I still put on a slick of lipstick). This makes me ‘try hard’ and ‘weird’. I wear hats, and somehow that makes me ‘strange’. And you know what – I don’t care. I like looking how I look, and I do it not because I think it is expected of me, or to impress people – I do it because I find it fun.
Excellent post.
I find myself wondering why society’s standards have dropped so drastically. People don’t bother to even wear PANTS anymore when they go out!!
Thankfully, my mother has never let herself go. She lives on a winery/farm/country property in the ass-end of Tasmania where fashion standards are indeed lax and she still has a more impressive shoe collection than mine! I learnt from her that it’s better to always be overdressed than underdressed.
I figure dressing up decent is my little counterbalance to the horrendous things so many others wear.
WOW that’s fantastic! This has happened to me in the past despite not being a mum. I used to be very glamourous I was a singer in a 50′s r’n'b band, always wore nice clothes make up, hair done. Then we had a really bad car crash, and my husband was in a coma for months and in hospital for a long time.
Although I still tried to retain some sense of style, it certainly went way down my list of priorities, I didn’t lose it, but I wore my hair tied back and didn’t have it cut often, I wore make up, but the minimum, and rarely wore skirts. Of course I was a carer for a few years afterwards which also contributed to this lack of care in myself.
So sometimes there are reasons and those reasons are more important in terms of life, but now that I’m refinding myself it feels so good. I do feel so much better about myself when I am me – me being someone who likes to dress nice (even if I’m dressed down as in trousers and sweater) and fix my hair and wear make up.
This is such a great article, thank you!
just wanted to add the one thing I always did was make sure my toes were painted red, it always cheered me up in the worst times and reminded me of my glam past!
Some very large truths in your post. I was mentally ticking off the points as I read them.
This post also couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m at a turning point in my life and trying to change myself and take care of me after spending years ignoring myself.
Thank you. xx
I really enjoyed this post. My Mum was complaining to me a few weeks ago that she has a closet full of beautiful and expensive clothes and nowhere to wear them. I told her that if she is going to buy all these gorgeous clothes, they deserve to be worn! she replied with “but i should save them for a special occasion”, and we decided that the best way to overcome this is to treat every day like a special occasion. Hey! It’s Tuesday! Hooray! I can wear that new silk blouse! Going grocery shopping? excellent opportunity to show off my favorite handbag!
I try to take care with my appearance each day, and i often have friends say things like “oh, you look nice, where are you off to?”. They always look a little bamboozled when i tell them that i am going to class, or that i am on my way home to work on an assignment.
@Nessbow AHHA I’m the same. I recieve the comment “Urh you’re a tad over dressed” so much that I just take smile and it as a compliment!
I blow raspberries at teachers who tell me that I can’t wear heels at school, and people who snigger behind my back when I’m shopping at the supermarket in Louboutins.
It’s good to know there are others like me
XXASAB
SKM, this is a wonderful post! I am not yet a mother, or even married, but I hope to be one day and I hope to never lose my sense of me, my style and all the rest of it. My own mother was always well put together, hair styled and made up even when I was small, and I want to be the same way. I do think people will probably think ‘who the hell does she think she is all tarted up like that with a young kid/s’, but I have never been worried about being judged so I won’t then either!
Firstly i would love to hear your thoughts on being.
My mum loses herself in phases. She’ll be fine for a while and then the tracksuits come out again.
Fantastic post.
I’m not a mother, but I spent years not dressing how I wanted for fear of being judged, even just wearing a dress instead of jeans seemed to be akin to going to the shops in a ballgown and wearing make up every day is apparently the highest form of vanity.
Well, now I don’t care and if I want to wear heels to the Post Office I do.
Very good post.
I’m neither a mother nor married, but I’ve definitely been through phases of letting myself go due to lacking mental energy and just not giving a damn. I have noticed that when mainstream magazines and newspapers tackle this issue of women “letting themselves go” after marriage and children, even nowadays it is often done from the angle of “make yourself more attractive to husband/presentable to other people”, with a bit of “…and being more attractive to others will make you feel better too” thrown in. Which makes it another chore to be performed for others, not a part of being and expressing yourself.
Great post as usual, SKM!
I for one, although I still retain my own sense of style and love to dress up and wear makeup, have suffered a bit from just letting the personality go. Life has just been too darn busy and funds are tight, so I haven’t “pampered” myself as much as I used to. It’s not that I’ve let myself go per-se, but I’ve let the glamor girl that used to be very outgoing and over-the-top go little by little. Reading this reminds me I need to sometimes indulge a little in cultivating my glamor girl again! Even with something as small as a manicure at a beauty salon or going out one evening with my husband to a nice place for cocktails. 
It’s true, I often feel that I want to hide or at least not stand out when I’m around a bunch of other SAHMs in the neighborhood. But when I’m going out and know I won’t know anyone I dress exactly the way I want to. I suppose I grew tired of the “where are you going?” and “why are you so dressed up?” comments. I even got them from my hair-dresser! And if you can’t look nice to go get pampered something is terribly wrong!
one word…money
I can’t get the “reply” button to work, but I wanted to reply to this comment
“Melanie Bennet says:
July 24, 2009 at 1:19 am
one word…money”
I don’t think that’s true at all. Last week I went out in a vintage polka dot wiggle dress, belt and peep toe shoes and the whole lot cost me under £30. Last night I went to a party and my outfit was even cheaper at under £15 including shoes. I think if you WANT to make the effort then money isn’t a factor in stopping you.
Wonderful inspirational post!
SKM:
This was a GREAT post. Very provocative. I have enjoyed reading all the comments, too, for everyone’s thoughts.
This post has really struck me. As a new mama, this is something that I’m struggling with on a daily basis. I’m grateful that I stumbled upon your blog, as I find you to be an immense source of inspiration.
My daughter is almost 7 months old. I returned to work when she was 3 months old (because of necessity — needing to help pay the mortgage and all).
The first three months were ROUGH! I had a c-section and wore granny panties for three months, afterwards. GRANNY PANTIES! Something I would have NEVER done pre-baby. Not to mention, I opted to continue wearing my maternity clothes for those month, as well. Mostly, it was an issue of comfort. Yet, part of the reason could be attributed to “giving up” on putting myself together.
Thankfully, I recognized that I was falling into a dark hole that would be very difficult to emerge from. I realized that continuing to wear the granny panties and maternity clothes would further sap my morale, self confidence and overall, mood. So, I threw away the granny panties and packed-up all the maternity clothing to make room in my closet for some new clothes. The new clothes that I bought 4 months ago weren’t super-fabulous; but they fit me properly, were stylish, and put a little extra pep in my step. Since then, I’ve gone on a few more shopping trips to add to my wardrobe. I’m mindful of cost, as I don’t have a a surplus of extra cash to spend on myself — so, I have to make smart decisions.
Reading this blog has greatly inspired me to not give up on myself! I want to be a role model for my little girl.
Thank you, SKM, for being my fashion super-heroine!
Melissa
Hey Sweetz!
Elise from NuffnangSG dropping by! Nice blog you have there!
xoxo
Elise
Such a great article, I would love to read more like this!
I am not a mother, but a high school student. The other day I was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt around the house, no make up, ect., and feeling like a total slob. I got thinking, and I just don’t understand how my peers live with themselves like that all the time,
I’ll never let myself “go” because dressing up and looking good is part of who I am. As much as I do it for other people, I also do it for myself. Hence why I will sometimes dress up when it is just me, alone. It is part of who I am and though it can be tiring and hard work to “upkeep” – it makes me feel better and thus is always worth it. Of course, when I am camping or something I may not pay much attention to how I look but that never lasts for more than I few days before I miss the old me.
When I look good, I feel good and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Some great insights in this post, SKM. Thanks. Here I go on a soapbox, but I have to point out that this is very much a feminist issue. How come nobody ever complains about “Dads who let themselves go?” I mean, what incentive is there for Mum to keep herself in top condition, well groomed and dressed to the nines when Dad has put on 50 pounds, constantly needs a haircut, and wears the same disgusting t-shirt and shorts from Friday night until Monday morning?
Just sayin’.
So insightful (really). It’s this way for all women all ages. A couple years ago almost everyone around me just didn’t care about what they wore, and would scowl at me because I do, even make jokes about my choice of clothes. I learned to get away from those people and not give a crap about negativity. I am sure this all gets harder as one becomes a mother and all the extra obligations.
What a fantastic, insightful post. These days we are all supposed to display our “real” face to the world all the time. Wearing makeup and dressing well is considered almost a kind of barrier and keeping the world at arms length.
Because I choose to wear skirts and (often perilously high) heels this does not mean that I am not a serious person, this also does not make me any less of a feminist (unfashionable word but a very relevant concept and how could a woman with a mind describe themselves as anything else). I am no less open for wearing makeup and painting my nails.
Keeping up a good “shopfront” when you are feeling overwhelmed is not easy but if you look good (and you know it) it gives you a little extra boost of confidence.
Thank you so much for this post! I read you all the time but never comment. This one really hit home, so I had to come out of lurkdom.
You hit the nail on the head. I don’t think I’ve let myself go completely, but I am fighting it. I have felt every one of your reasons at one time or another.
Keep up the fantastic blog. It is such inpsiration to me that one can be a good mom and look lovely. There is time for me as well as everyone else.
Sincerely,
Robin from Texas
well said, I am the woman you talk about in trackies, as you well know, your Mother in Law! I think the way you look is perfect and you do have style.
For me to gain fitness is more important than losing weight, though now I am off insulin is happening slowly.
While I still love my trackies, it is so damn cold here they are the warmest thing I can wear, not able to wear wool…I am making more effort with hair etc
have a great weekend, hope to see you soon
love Chris/Nana
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love you for this post. I’m only 22 and I have always tried to only wear things I love. I wore Lolita every day for 4 or so years of my life and ignored every snarky comment that was thrown my way by strangers or friends. After I got ill I started down the slippery slop of letting go. I was at home with nothing to do for over a year and a half in my pajamas and I didn’t have energy for anything, it was a never ending cycle. This year I said enough is enough. I refuse to let forces other than what’s in my heart control how I choose to dress! Bring on the Hime Gyaru!
I appreciate this post so much. It’s starting to hit home that I’ve let myself go and I’m gearing up to do something about it. There is definitely a lovely and well put together person inside of me. I would like to be reflected on the outside.
I imagine you’ve always been glamorous, SKM, but perhaps you have some tips for us ladies that have gotten ourselves into a rut??
Thanks as always for the helpful insight.
I don’t wear makeup or do anything special with my hair most days because it makes me feel like I have to keep checking it all the time. It’s fun to dress up sometimes, but I feel that it’s impractical for me in everyday life. I don’t think that women who don’t see getting dressed up as being important should be told they’ve “let themselves go” – if it’s important to someone, they should go for it, but if it’s not they shouldn’t feel they’re doing something wrong.
I adore your blog because I DO love fashion and getting new style ideas and inspiration
(something you provide in spades). I just prefer to use those ideas in situations where I wont be running around taking photos, studying, working etc.
That’s not to say that being a complete slob is tolerable, I just feel most comfortable being casual.
To each their own, this blog was a great read and very thought-provoking.
Damn, I meant “practical”, not “impractical”.
I agree. Some people just don’t care about getting dressed up every day, and it shouldn’t be assumed that they have “let themselves go.” Also, everyone’s definition of style is different. Some women may never wear make-up or heels, but that doesn’t mean they don’t put thought into what they wear. Their style is just different from the mainstream. Of course there are people who just throw on clothes and don’t care about what they wear at all. If they’re happy doing that, I don’t see what the problem is.
I don’t see why not getting dolled up to run an errand or bum around the house is seen as a sign of self-neglect. I enjoy clothes, make-up, shoes, etc., but I don’t usually spend a lot of time on my appearance if I’m just taking a brief trip to the grocery store. Not everyone feels that it’s important to be dressed up everywhere they go, even people who may enjoy dressing up on other occasions. It’s just a matter of personal preference.
If spending a lot of time on your appearance everyday is important to you, that’s fine. If it’s not, that’s fine too. Wear what makes you happy. I wish people would stop judging making assumptions about others based on their clothing choices.
What a wonderful and truthful post. I’ve seen this happen with friends. They are no longer distinguishable from the rest of the sheep. I do not have children but I am married and do stay at home. I am always overdressed, just last night a friend commented that no one else would be noticed in a crowd if I was there. This stems from being the ugliest child you have ever seen !!!! I vowed to never be that creature ever again. I love make up and dressing nicely wearing hats and seamed stockings. I discovered vintage in high school and never looked back. I never fit in then, what makes me think I would in the future ? So put on that pretty dress those high heel shoes and bright red lippy and be the one others are talking about. It’s so true, “you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself”
You have a wonderful style of writing; both articulate and meaningful. I love it when you write long posts like this!
-Erin
Funny shoe shot!
Thanks for the timely reminder – it’s easy to let one day of no makeup/scruffy hair turn into slippery slope of neglect. Lately I’ve been chucking on whatever’s on the floor (no bra) to head to the shops… bad!
This was so interesting to read!
You are very right about it being easy these days. I used to live in a better/nicer part of time, where everyone was always looking fantastic, and I would feel like a slob if I didn’t. Now I moved and see everyone doing groceries in their tracksuit, it makes me less worried about doing the same, which is a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD development!
I have answered your question in a post on my blog. Thanks for asking this! Very interesting. See answer here: http://stepforddreams.blogspot.com/2009/07/have-i-let-myself-go-or-that-self-go.html
Retro Chick says:
July 27, 2009 at 1:48 am
I can’t get the “reply” button to work, but I wanted to reply to this comment
Retro Chick: I think you may have misunderstood me. The struggle with money is not what is more expensive than something else. Its that the whole process of keeping up a certain style is expensive, period. It doesnt matter if its vintage or not. If you have money its not a problem but I suspect most young mothers/families like myself are rather low on financial ressources. What is available tends to go towards longer-term investiments such as children’s education or saving to buy a house or the purchase of school clothes for growing children (just a few examples!). Unless (the preverbial) you has a disposable income, spening any great amount on yourself simply for “style” seems superflous and short-sighted.
That said, I personally take much joy in reading these blogs even though I dont always feel the need to do the same. There is often more to a woman than simply her appearance!
“Melanie Bennet says
July 24, 2009 at 1:19 am
one word…money”
I don’t think that’s true at all. Last week I went out in a vintage polka dot wiggle dress, belt and peep toe shoes and the whole lot cost me under £30. Last night I went to a party and my outfit was even cheaper at under £15 including shoes. I think if you WANT to make the effort then money isn’t a factor in stopping you.